As a grandmother of four very small children I have come to realise that this is a very precious stage in my life. I feel reborn with these new little people and I am seen by them in a different way than anyone else who has ever known me. I never understood, but I do now, how precious it is to see your children survive, grow up and have children of their own. If I have achieved anything important in my life, it is to help produce these new people who are our future, and to influence them as much as I can to be good, honest and useful citizens. Of course I am biased but I am extremely proud of them all, and I firmly believe they will do us proud....

Today was a long working day but at the end I felt very happy. My role involves a great deal of staff engagement for the organisation, communicating and asking for information, teaching and supporting the development of leadership and management skills and coaching individuals to improve performance.

Sometimes it is very tough, especially when coaching members of staff through difficult times for them. I came home late and after my evening meal started to have painful foot cramps. It feels like my body is saying "Enough stress and work, if you don't listen, then this is what you get!"  We need to listen to the messages from our body because body and mind are linked and interdependent. When I ignore my body, it lets me know big time! I need to rest, sleep, eat and drink properly and luckily I have three days holiday booked next week. Think I will book a massage or other treatment to spoil myself...

A Passion for Coaching

The advances of neuroscience are so fascinating and have a big impact on our understanding of how our brains work and why we feel and behave the way we do. What is heartening is growing evidence of the brain's plasticity. This means that the brain has the capacity to adapt and change according to circumstances. This not only means that the impact of brain damage may in time be reduced, but it has implications for our capacity to change our behaviours and manage our emotions in ways that make us more successful in life.

I have always had faith in our ability to change as I have seen what can be achieved through coaching. People can grow in confidence and self-esteem, learn to be more self-aware, manage difficult emotions during challenging moments and become more positive. Changes may come over a period of time and in small increments, but in the long term can be powerful and life-changing.

Coaching helps because it provides a trusting confidential relationship where an individual can talk out loud, reflect on issues and be guided to new ways of thinking with someone who is non-judgemental and is able to be objective as well as caring.

I am privileged to be able to teach an accredited  ILM coaching course to NHS managers. They are caring people who are highly motivated to improve their leadership skills and the knock-on effect will be to ensure staff feel supported and motivated to provide good patient care.

Conflict Resolution

What a wonderful weekend! Sun, blue sky and if you live in my part of the world, beautiful countryside. I have been sitting in the garden (alone after a lovely bbq with family), by the firepit, reading as the sun went down. A tiny kitten cat decided she wanted to be part of the family and my cats decided she was not wanted! Bless her, she tried, tried and tried again. In fact, after some fierce hissing and aggressive poses our two cats lost interest and went indoors!

That little cat reminded me of how sometimes we have to work hard to get what we want. If we stop at the first barrier, we may never get what we aspire to. In order to reach our goal, we may have to be very persistent and willing to assert ourselves in the face of opposition!

How difficult is it for you to face conflict? If you find it hard, how is that affecting your success in life, relationships, career, etc? In my coaching work I find that many managers find it difficult to be assertive and say what they need to say. This has a detrimental effect on the team when an individual is not pulling their weight, or is behaving badly. Often this is to do with the manager's own sense of self and personal issues of confidence and self-esteem. It is hard to have difficult conversations but if we avoid them  then sooner or later the situation becomes much worse.

Some  people experience a sort of paralysing reversion to childhood during conflict situations. They go back to the days when their father/mother/teacher/or someone else in authority made them feel silly/stupid/bad and they relive those emotions as children, despite being adults. That renders them incapable of actually being rational, assertive and confident. In the confusion the other person makes their point and wins!

The best way to manage this is first to take some long deep breaths, (to avoid the panic and fight or flight response, give you space and help clear your head) then decide whether or not it is worth arguing your point or giving way. If you decide to stay and fight, you need to be in your adult ego state,  not your child or critical parent. Stick to the facts, ask questions, even apologise (or ask for an apology) if it is appropriate. Stay focussed on your goal, which is to manage the situation so that both you and the other person ends up feeling ok, regardless of the results. You may get your own way or you may not, but whether or not you win in the end or "lose", the way you conduct yourself will make you feel better afterwards. (Well she didn't agree but at least I made my point-I think she will be more careful next time!) It is not an easy thing to do, but with practice, confidence increases and your ability to deal with difficult situations will be much improved.

As a coach I have sometimes found it frustrating when people have agreed to have six coaching sessions and at the beginning of session four still haven't done anything they had verbally agreed they wanted to do. Recently I had to challenge a client with this and remind her that we only had two more sessions left to achieve  her goal. This led to a really honest discussion and the real crux of the matter finally came to light. The powerful question I asked was: What are you getting out of not doing anything? The honest, reflective answer was"Safety." So I asked "So what are you not getting by not doing anything?" and she went away and thought about this. The next session she had done everything planned and things had changed She said she didn't want to come to the end of her life and look back and think- "I could have done ...If only I had....

By the end of the coaching relationship the client said she had made a big shift in her thinking and was looking forward to several quite challenging changes in her life. Now it was me that felt a little unsure and reluctant to let go! I felt she needed more support to make these changes. However, looking back I felt relieved and optimistic. The client had taken longer than usual to "get" coaching and had finally understood what she needed to do to improve her life. Take a few "safe" risks to start with, then go on from there. Looking at what she had already managed to achieve in such a very short time, I really thought she could get to the place she really wanted to be. I just hope she lets me know how it turns out....

Being Creative

I recently read a good article in Psychologies Magazine about creativity. From it I have learned that creativity is like a muscle that has to be regularly exercised. Scribble down thoughts and ideas when they come. Have a pencil and pad handy by the bed in case a dream sparks off a thought. Broaden your outlook and soak up different experiences, cultures, meet new people, try new things. Experiment with different media for creativity even if you don't think you have any skill in that area. Challenge yourself and avoid fear of failure or of criticism by others. Probably the most important of all in my opinion is avoid self-criticism and don't dismiss your attempts as not good enough. Just see them as a step towards your final results.

If you are trying hard to be creative and no inspiration comes, try forgetting all about it, go for a walk or doing something completely different on your own. When you have stopped thinking about it your subconscious mind gets to work and often comes up with the idea you were looking for.

Research suggests that the more positive and happy we are, the more creative we can be. However even feeling negative might sometimes help. Scientists have also found that people who are feeling slightly downcast are more able to keep going even if what they are doing is not fun. After the initial creative spark it may be hard work to keep going and produce what you have dreamed up.

Taking the tougher route

I used to find it difficult to make decisions for myself. In the past I have made mistakes because I took the option that seemed to be the best, but in reality was the simplest.

Taking the easy route - the flat road - can lead to lack of fulfilment. Taking the steep route-the rocky road -is difficult, risky and you might fall back down. However the achievement at the end can be more powerful and can give you confidence to go even higher.

Imagine standing on top of a steep hill and looking down. How tiny everything looks. That can be what it is like to look back on the things you clung on to that were really not important. Why not try to find a new viewpoint and look at your life with clear vision? What would you do if you had the courage?